Fab 2 Flab: Step 11
Cigs & Booze
Congratulations again on completing the 10 step course to obesity. You've done it! Congratulations again, on choosing to view this special, bonus information. You've gained the weight... now let's make sure we keep it!
But how do we do this? We've all gained weight only to lose it again shortly thereafter. What's the secret to permanent weight gain?
Answer? You need acidic habits.
Miracle Habit #1: regularly ingest beer.This is going to take some persistence.
Unlike some of the other habits we've done, this is really going to take some work. Your first try of this liquid will likely make you want to never try it again. Apparently it tastes very similar to human urine. But, the truly unhealthy swear, its an acquired taste.
(So... Acquire it!)
Stick with it. Get through a whole can (or bottle) in one sitting. It doesn't really matter what kind, what matters is that the beverage is fermented.
What that means to you, is that now not only are you eating an acidic lifestyle, but you are ingesting literal acid-factories.
Fermented foods produce acid! With regular ingestion of acid producing foods, you'll never have to worry about accidentally losing weight again!
Now, you should already have your unconscious snacking habits, and, if you can, pair your drinking with roasted, salted, oily (preferably hydrogenated oils) beer nuts or better, fatty, sweet, chicken wings. Many restaurants offer unlimited versions of these foods, as well as French fries and chips.
The best part, is that once you attain your taste for the urine-beer, it will become part of your lifestyle!
Soon, you'll associate beer with social outings, and the hours upon hours of television you've trained yourself to view.
This lifestyle is a little more expensive of course. The pre-made foods, the beer, and the increased amounts of driving. But, its worth it to have the body you've worked so hard to attain, yes?
Want to get crazy?
Let's add in one step that'll be nearly impossible to forget to do!
...You guessed it. Smoking.
"But wait, doesn't smoking lead to weight loss?"
No! That's a myth! Smoking is a great way to regularly introduce acid into your bloodstream and... Get this, they put in a chemical called nicotine which is highly addictive!
Which means that after a while, you'll remember to do this on the hour!!
There is a downside.
Its very, very hard to start smoking. What the process is, is you have to put a cylinder of cyanide (don't worry, it isn't enough to kill you in one shot, I know we want to be alive to enjoy our obesity, right?) tar (like on roads) and other harmful chemicals and light it on fire, while its in your mouth.
There is a "filter" but don't let that fool you, the filter is filled with asbestos and fiberglass, which will cut up your lungs and lead to more acid. So its all good.
The first time you try, just like alcohol, it'll be... Less than pleasant (sorry). Vomiting is common.
But, with perseverance, eventually you'll actually get cranky from not having it!!
That's it! Congratulations! If you've followed this step by step guide, you've gone from fab to flab!!!
It was a lot of work to overcome all those habits, but, you'll be unable to argue with the results!
There'll no doubt be some lingering habitual things like wanting to enjoy a sunny afternoon by hiking etc, but, don't worry. With this new body type, all those desires will soon fade with time.
Just remember, consistency is key. Keep up your acidic diet, and habits. Don't worry about increasing them, they tend to do that all on their own.
You have the momentum, now just coast into your desired lifestyle.
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
About The
- Author
- Sensei Ono, founder of Shinka Martial Arts, is a teacher and student of life. His passion for helping others and self improvement is the purpose behind this blog. -- "If your purpose in any way includes making the world a better place, I urge to you read, and share the knowledge."
Showing posts with label facetious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facetious. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 10 - More Little Habits
Fab Flab: Step 10More little habits
Your diet has changed, true, and, you've removed a lot of your little habits. That's great! There's still more to do, though!
You probably still subconsciously take the stairs instead of elevators. (but hopefully, that's become more of a challenge due to our lack of cardio and poor diet, yes?). Try not to jog, or move around at all, really.
If you have a physical job, and are unable to quit, consider eating at McDonald's for lunch, and drinking "Coke" instead of water as often as possible. If you can, get a more sedentary job to accelerate the process.
When offered fatty foods, remember, say yes, not no. Baking things in cheese is often an option. Do this whenever possible. Not only is cheese high in fat, but, it also blocks your body's ability to properly process nutrients!
Having a deep-fried version of the same meal, or adding bacon are other, recommended common add-ons. Get into the habit of ordering these things until you don't even consider the consequences!
In general, think of your body as a car. You want to put more gas in than you burn. That means less exercise, more food. And, the worse food you can put in, the faster this whole process will work!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Your diet has changed, true, and, you've removed a lot of your little habits. That's great! There's still more to do, though!
You probably still subconsciously take the stairs instead of elevators. (but hopefully, that's become more of a challenge due to our lack of cardio and poor diet, yes?). Try not to jog, or move around at all, really.
If you have a physical job, and are unable to quit, consider eating at McDonald's for lunch, and drinking "Coke" instead of water as often as possible. If you can, get a more sedentary job to accelerate the process.
When offered fatty foods, remember, say yes, not no. Baking things in cheese is often an option. Do this whenever possible. Not only is cheese high in fat, but, it also blocks your body's ability to properly process nutrients!
Having a deep-fried version of the same meal, or adding bacon are other, recommended common add-ons. Get into the habit of ordering these things until you don't even consider the consequences!
In general, think of your body as a car. You want to put more gas in than you burn. That means less exercise, more food. And, the worse food you can put in, the faster this whole process will work!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 9 - Solving Problems With Food!
Fab Flab: Step 9
Step 9: Solving Problems with Food
Remember when you were fab, and you changed your state via diaphramatic breath? You can achieve the same results through over-eating!
Now that our diet is primarily acidic, whenever we feel stressed, we can eat, eat, eat, and this will help you relax!
The first time, you'll feel pretty awful, but, after a while, you'll actually start to crave such over-eating.
Just like before, when you were interested in gaining muscle, and craved exercise, now, think of this as a training regimine. You need to stretch out that stomach just like it was a muscle!
Also, if possible, eat as much meat products as you can before going to bed. As they take upwards of 9 hours to digest, that'll mean you get virtually no benefit from sleeping. Which, in turn, will lead to greater acid, poorer working internal organs, and, of course, being tired all the time!
Remember: Whenever you feel stressed, grab some food. And, whenever you feel happy, grab some food. Pretty soon, you'll re-wire your brain to solve pretty much everything with excess eating!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Step 9: Solving Problems with Food
Remember when you were fab, and you changed your state via diaphramatic breath? You can achieve the same results through over-eating!
Now that our diet is primarily acidic, whenever we feel stressed, we can eat, eat, eat, and this will help you relax!
The first time, you'll feel pretty awful, but, after a while, you'll actually start to crave such over-eating.
Just like before, when you were interested in gaining muscle, and craved exercise, now, think of this as a training regimine. You need to stretch out that stomach just like it was a muscle!
Also, if possible, eat as much meat products as you can before going to bed. As they take upwards of 9 hours to digest, that'll mean you get virtually no benefit from sleeping. Which, in turn, will lead to greater acid, poorer working internal organs, and, of course, being tired all the time!
Remember: Whenever you feel stressed, grab some food. And, whenever you feel happy, grab some food. Pretty soon, you'll re-wire your brain to solve pretty much everything with excess eating!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 8 - More Blood Work!
Fab 2 Flab: Step 8Step 8: More Blood Work
Now we get into the hardcore stuff. I'm talkin' red meat, sugar drinks and caffeine. "But wait!" You say, "Didn't I already add in my coffee?"
Oh sure. One lousy cup? Try adding two, to three cups throughout your day. Also, you can start supplementing your cravings for water or veggie juice with a product called "Coke".
You can find cans of "Coke" in a variety of flavors (sorry, they all taste kind of nasty, but you'll get used to it.) at nearly any grocery store.
The "Coke" product, and other colas of this nature are refined drinks, with a huge amount of sugar, caffeine, and toxic chemicals designed to help you retain fat.
If you can, get the "non-fat" ones filled with aspartame.
Contrary to popular belief, those will actually accelerate the weight gain more than the regular ones. (they're tricky with that marketing, let me tell you!) The reason is, aspartame is a form of MSG.
MSG augments your actual genetic code so that you are less able to process fat and, (here's the kicker) your body will crave fat and sugar more!!!
Yes, you heard me right! This is how all those obese people have been doing it all these years. They've been sneakily labeling so many products "non-fat" that are filled with MSG derivatives! That's how they make it look so easy!
Once you start ingesting MSG, it'll have all kinds of great side-effects, including genetic manipulation of your ovaries! (good news: Your kids will be pre-disposed to all kinds of great things like diabetes and lower brain function! And, of course, much more likely to be obese!)
You may have guessed this already, but, yes, your next step is adding MSG to as much of your food as possible.
You can actually buy this stuff as a condiment in some states, though, it is illegal in some others due to rats producing too many tumors, so shop around! You may be able to get it online, or have a friend pick it up for you when they go somewhere less strict!
Feelin' flabby yet? I hope so!
You should be starting to notice some distinct love handles at this point, or, at the very least, be needing some new jeans!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Now we get into the hardcore stuff. I'm talkin' red meat, sugar drinks and caffeine. "But wait!" You say, "Didn't I already add in my coffee?"
Oh sure. One lousy cup? Try adding two, to three cups throughout your day. Also, you can start supplementing your cravings for water or veggie juice with a product called "Coke".
You can find cans of "Coke" in a variety of flavors (sorry, they all taste kind of nasty, but you'll get used to it.) at nearly any grocery store.
The "Coke" product, and other colas of this nature are refined drinks, with a huge amount of sugar, caffeine, and toxic chemicals designed to help you retain fat.
If you can, get the "non-fat" ones filled with aspartame.
Contrary to popular belief, those will actually accelerate the weight gain more than the regular ones. (they're tricky with that marketing, let me tell you!) The reason is, aspartame is a form of MSG.
MSG augments your actual genetic code so that you are less able to process fat and, (here's the kicker) your body will crave fat and sugar more!!!
Yes, you heard me right! This is how all those obese people have been doing it all these years. They've been sneakily labeling so many products "non-fat" that are filled with MSG derivatives! That's how they make it look so easy!
Once you start ingesting MSG, it'll have all kinds of great side-effects, including genetic manipulation of your ovaries! (good news: Your kids will be pre-disposed to all kinds of great things like diabetes and lower brain function! And, of course, much more likely to be obese!)
You may have guessed this already, but, yes, your next step is adding MSG to as much of your food as possible.
You can actually buy this stuff as a condiment in some states, though, it is illegal in some others due to rats producing too many tumors, so shop around! You may be able to get it online, or have a friend pick it up for you when they go somewhere less strict!
Feelin' flabby yet? I hope so!
You should be starting to notice some distinct love handles at this point, or, at the very least, be needing some new jeans!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 7 - Posture, Posture, Posture!
Fab 2 Flab: Step 7Step 7: Posture, Posture, Posture
We hinted at it earlier... You're going to need to start slouching. Physiology plays a huge role in your mindset. If your body is still resisting these lifestyle changes, it is very likely related to your posture. If you've been trying your best to get stressed out, and get into your new, acidic lifestyle, but you find yourself staying positive, take a good look at your posture.
Are you sitting up straight, even now? Get that head down, right away! The more rounded your shoulders, and lower your head, the less blood we'll get to that brain of yours, and, the crappier you'll feel!
Just imagine someone is yelling at you right now. What would you do with your posture? Be afraid, be timid, and shrink into yourself. You have no idea the power of posture!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
We hinted at it earlier... You're going to need to start slouching. Physiology plays a huge role in your mindset. If your body is still resisting these lifestyle changes, it is very likely related to your posture. If you've been trying your best to get stressed out, and get into your new, acidic lifestyle, but you find yourself staying positive, take a good look at your posture.
Are you sitting up straight, even now? Get that head down, right away! The more rounded your shoulders, and lower your head, the less blood we'll get to that brain of yours, and, the crappier you'll feel!
Just imagine someone is yelling at you right now. What would you do with your posture? Be afraid, be timid, and shrink into yourself. You have no idea the power of posture!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 6 - Morning Rituals
Fab 2 Flab: Step 6 Morning Rituals
I know you've probably slipped back into doing morning situps or meditations without consciously being aware of it. That's fine! Just keep at it, and remove them gradually.
To help, try replacing some morning rituals with things like reading newspapers and drinking coffee. The newspapers (or better yet, the TV) is filled with all kinds of negative, stress inducing stimuli, which can easily increase the acid in your body through stress chemicals.
And, the coffee (stomach as much as you can, the first time) will flood your body with both acidic chemicals, and addictive chemicals! Which means that after a while, you won't even have to try to remember because of your addiction! You'll actually feel lousy until you have your morning coffee!
Don't worry about the sudden jolt of energy you'll get from the caffeine. It won't last long, and, after a while, all the caffeine will do is return you back to "normal", and you'll still crash! The energy is caused by a poisonous reaction to the body, too, which, you guessed it, means more acid, more fat, and a worse digestive system!
Bonus: In your car, try listening to the radio for news and other forms of distraction when driving. Generally, the louder the DJ, the louder the music, so go loud! It should subtly increase the stress, while at the same time, help you ignore the lack of audio books or mental clarity.
Plus, your body is mostly water, and, the vibrations of loud music will disrupt its natural flow, increasing all kinds of subtle toxin buildups in the lymph nodes. We're on our way!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
I know you've probably slipped back into doing morning situps or meditations without consciously being aware of it. That's fine! Just keep at it, and remove them gradually.
To help, try replacing some morning rituals with things like reading newspapers and drinking coffee. The newspapers (or better yet, the TV) is filled with all kinds of negative, stress inducing stimuli, which can easily increase the acid in your body through stress chemicals.
And, the coffee (stomach as much as you can, the first time) will flood your body with both acidic chemicals, and addictive chemicals! Which means that after a while, you won't even have to try to remember because of your addiction! You'll actually feel lousy until you have your morning coffee!
Don't worry about the sudden jolt of energy you'll get from the caffeine. It won't last long, and, after a while, all the caffeine will do is return you back to "normal", and you'll still crash! The energy is caused by a poisonous reaction to the body, too, which, you guessed it, means more acid, more fat, and a worse digestive system!
Bonus: In your car, try listening to the radio for news and other forms of distraction when driving. Generally, the louder the DJ, the louder the music, so go loud! It should subtly increase the stress, while at the same time, help you ignore the lack of audio books or mental clarity.
Plus, your body is mostly water, and, the vibrations of loud music will disrupt its natural flow, increasing all kinds of subtle toxin buildups in the lymph nodes. We're on our way!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 5 - Attack The Blood
Fab 2 Flab: Step 5Attack the blood.
I know you still have your preferred diet, and that's fine. You can keep your juicers, your veggies, and the rest of your alkaline diet. That's fine, you can keep those. (for now).
What we're going to do, is start re-introducing acid into your diet. So, nothing as drastic as coffee or pop, but, start with sprinkling some sugar on appropriate foods.
Even salads are still quite tasty with the sugar on it, and, the increased acid will begin targeting your alkaline reserves. This is great! Once adding this refined acid to your foods becomes more and more of a habit, we can take more drastic steps.
Start ingesting acidic snacks. Things like chocolate chips will, again, fit in nicely with your alkaline snacks. (say, your bag of raw almonds).
Eventually, gradually replace the almonds with chocolate covered almonds, then, chocolate covered peanuts. Congrats! That's an entirely acidic snack!!
Now, the main meals. I know you don't want to hear it, but, we're going to have to get rid of the greens. All this acidic snacking we're doing is still going to be counteracted by your main staple: The salad.
Again, start small. Put some shredded carrots in there. They'll still taste healthy, but, they'll convert to sugar, which will convert to acid. Next, see if you can replace any kind of soy bacon bits with the real thing. (The nitrates in bacon will really accelerate the process if you can stomach them.)
Now, simply add some breaded meats to the salads. Things like KFC may be a bit much to handle, but, there are types of breaded chicken not quite as a jump in the health-levels that you can find in the less-healthy sections of your local supermarket.
Another transition you can slowly make, is with your pastas. Replace any form of whole wheat pasta with white flour pasta. Again, do this gradually. Start with adding 20% white flour pasta, and gradually increase to 50, then 70, then 100%.
We're really burning now!
Do the same with breads. There are plenty of "50/50" breads to help with the transition. White flour is really high in acid, and, again, acid = fat!
The plus side of all these changes, is, you're probably going to get sick more often. Which means that, hopefully, you'll generally have less energy. Less energy = less exercise! We're on our way!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
I know you still have your preferred diet, and that's fine. You can keep your juicers, your veggies, and the rest of your alkaline diet. That's fine, you can keep those. (for now).
What we're going to do, is start re-introducing acid into your diet. So, nothing as drastic as coffee or pop, but, start with sprinkling some sugar on appropriate foods.
Even salads are still quite tasty with the sugar on it, and, the increased acid will begin targeting your alkaline reserves. This is great! Once adding this refined acid to your foods becomes more and more of a habit, we can take more drastic steps.
Start ingesting acidic snacks. Things like chocolate chips will, again, fit in nicely with your alkaline snacks. (say, your bag of raw almonds).
Eventually, gradually replace the almonds with chocolate covered almonds, then, chocolate covered peanuts. Congrats! That's an entirely acidic snack!!
Now, the main meals. I know you don't want to hear it, but, we're going to have to get rid of the greens. All this acidic snacking we're doing is still going to be counteracted by your main staple: The salad.
Again, start small. Put some shredded carrots in there. They'll still taste healthy, but, they'll convert to sugar, which will convert to acid. Next, see if you can replace any kind of soy bacon bits with the real thing. (The nitrates in bacon will really accelerate the process if you can stomach them.)
Now, simply add some breaded meats to the salads. Things like KFC may be a bit much to handle, but, there are types of breaded chicken not quite as a jump in the health-levels that you can find in the less-healthy sections of your local supermarket.
Another transition you can slowly make, is with your pastas. Replace any form of whole wheat pasta with white flour pasta. Again, do this gradually. Start with adding 20% white flour pasta, and gradually increase to 50, then 70, then 100%.
We're really burning now!
Do the same with breads. There are plenty of "50/50" breads to help with the transition. White flour is really high in acid, and, again, acid = fat!
The plus side of all these changes, is, you're probably going to get sick more often. Which means that, hopefully, you'll generally have less energy. Less energy = less exercise! We're on our way!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 4 - Stop Growing! (Kind of)
Fab 2 Flab: Step 4Stop Growing! (Kind of)
If you want to grow wide, you're going to have to stop growing as a person.
Often, those with fab bods are addicted to growing, both mentally and physically through habitual challenge.
You've got to nip that in the bud right away! Too much dopamine = too much happiness! Not to mention, if you keep your addiction to growth, you'll naturally want to start increasing your health, and your finances! The happier and more secure you are, the less likely you are to solve your problems with food (a later step)
So, put down those books, turn on that TV, and do your best to think of it as a kind of "meditation" only without any benefits!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
If you want to grow wide, you're going to have to stop growing as a person.
Often, those with fab bods are addicted to growing, both mentally and physically through habitual challenge.
You've got to nip that in the bud right away! Too much dopamine = too much happiness! Not to mention, if you keep your addiction to growth, you'll naturally want to start increasing your health, and your finances! The happier and more secure you are, the less likely you are to solve your problems with food (a later step)
So, put down those books, turn on that TV, and do your best to think of it as a kind of "meditation" only without any benefits!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 3 - Stop That Laughing!
Fab 2 Flab: Step 3Stop That Laughing!
Laughing seems innocent enough, but did you know that it is a strong abdominal workout, and, it releases endorphins into your body!? Too much of those, and, while you're still in your transition between fab to flab, you'll still associate feeling good with wanting to move!
Remember, laughter and feeling happy is not just based on stimuli, but physiology as well. To avoid smiling and laughing, don the posture of someone with the weight of the world on your shoulders; even if you don't feel that way yet! The body is a powerful thing, and, with the right physiology, you'll actually convince your brain that you're sad! (which is definitely the first step to getting there!)
This will take practice. Just think "my head is heavy" and keep at it! Don't forget to keep applying steps 1-3!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Laughing seems innocent enough, but did you know that it is a strong abdominal workout, and, it releases endorphins into your body!? Too much of those, and, while you're still in your transition between fab to flab, you'll still associate feeling good with wanting to move!
Remember, laughter and feeling happy is not just based on stimuli, but physiology as well. To avoid smiling and laughing, don the posture of someone with the weight of the world on your shoulders; even if you don't feel that way yet! The body is a powerful thing, and, with the right physiology, you'll actually convince your brain that you're sad! (which is definitely the first step to getting there!)
This will take practice. Just think "my head is heavy" and keep at it! Don't forget to keep applying steps 1-3!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
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Sunday, May 16, 2010
Fab 2 Flab: Step 2 - Attack the Support Systems
Fab 2 Flab: Step 2Attack the Support Systems
If you're fit, chances are, you have a support system of healthy people around you that you see regularly.
You probably take some kind of "fun fitness" like martial arts. I don't care how dedicated you are to becoming obese, if you have all these healthy, happy people around you constantly encouraging you to exercise and re-introduce healthy habits into your life, your willpower will eventually cave.
So get out of there, right away. And, if possible, try to hang out in bars, or MacDonald's to fill the time.
You don't have to eat anything there, yet. (Your bodies are probably still too healthy, and you'd just throw it up anyway). But hopefully you'll meet some new friends with more discouraging lifestyles. (oh, and don't worry... By the end of this treatment, you'll be able to down an entire meal there, more than once a day, and end the day with booze if you're persistent!!)
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
If you're fit, chances are, you have a support system of healthy people around you that you see regularly.
You probably take some kind of "fun fitness" like martial arts. I don't care how dedicated you are to becoming obese, if you have all these healthy, happy people around you constantly encouraging you to exercise and re-introduce healthy habits into your life, your willpower will eventually cave.
So get out of there, right away. And, if possible, try to hang out in bars, or MacDonald's to fill the time.
You don't have to eat anything there, yet. (Your bodies are probably still too healthy, and you'd just throw it up anyway). But hopefully you'll meet some new friends with more discouraging lifestyles. (oh, and don't worry... By the end of this treatment, you'll be able to down an entire meal there, more than once a day, and end the day with booze if you're persistent!!)
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Fab2Flab - Step 1: Attack the mind.
If you are a healthy person wanting to become unhealthy, you may not realize this, but you have thousands of tiny habits that you do every day without thinking. Its habits like these, that will pull you back to health despite your desire to get into a different shape.
From hourglass to beanbag chair is going to take time, and perseverance. But don't you worry, we'll clog those arteries soon enough.
First, you have to stop all of your positive morning rituals.
Those set the theme for the entire day!! That means:
NO positive affirmations (being constantly reminded of health, wealth, and happiness? Those are fat-killers!!)
NO meditations (releasing your fears? No fear = no anxiety = no acid in the blood to help you get fat!)
NO subliminals (how can you get fat if you program yourself to be fit??)
NO audio books
NO empowering questions
NO morning gratitude
NO communicating with mentors (cut those positive influences out of your life!)
NO fancy binaurels (get stressed, not serene! The more stress we have, the more acid we have in the blood!)
Sound impossible?
What you may not understand, is these things, as habitual and nonchalant as you may feel about them, are not what the obese do! These will constantly correct any minor step we take towards obesity!
Gradually, as you eliminate one after another of these, you won't look forward to getting out of bed, which, in turn will limit your activities, and put a damper on all that excess energy that we have trained ourselves to use for exercise.
Plus, the less good we feel, and the less grateful we are, the more likely we are to eat to change our state, (That's right! The same diaphragmatic breath you get from meditation, you can get from overeating, or even smoking!! We'll get there!)
Now, if you really think back, there was a time where you had to try to do all of those things, right? Its the same thing. Just take it a day at a time.
Start with removing something easy, like audio books. Just get rid of your mp3 player for a while, or throw out your charger and wean yourself off.
Next, if you have any kind of reminders for your empowering daily questions, just take them down, and that'll help them fade.
Even better, replace them with "you have to" type statements, or "I hate Mondays" That'll be a double whammy!
Make sure your mentor understands that his guidance will no longer be needed and, if possible, get a friend who either smokes or drinks excessively. You can find them at local pubs, and they are generally very affordable. Buy them a few beers every now and then, and share your pizza (oops, sorry, getting ahead of ourselves. Yes, that's right... We're going to be eating pizza at one point... We'll get there!)
Now, I understand that giving up your daily meditations and gratitude exercises will be the most challenging, so first nix the affirmations, subliminals and binaurels. Again, this is a cumulative thing! Don't try to do this all in one day!
Keep in mind, we're going to be doing some posture exercises to get that slouch happening. With that, will come less likelihood to meditate as well, because it'll be uncomfortable. So don't worry if you can't get 100% on this rather ambitious first step!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
From hourglass to beanbag chair is going to take time, and perseverance. But don't you worry, we'll clog those arteries soon enough.
First, you have to stop all of your positive morning rituals.
Those set the theme for the entire day!! That means:
NO positive affirmations (being constantly reminded of health, wealth, and happiness? Those are fat-killers!!)
NO meditations (releasing your fears? No fear = no anxiety = no acid in the blood to help you get fat!)
NO subliminals (how can you get fat if you program yourself to be fit??)
NO audio books
NO empowering questions
NO morning gratitude
NO communicating with mentors (cut those positive influences out of your life!)
NO fancy binaurels (get stressed, not serene! The more stress we have, the more acid we have in the blood!)
Sound impossible?
What you may not understand, is these things, as habitual and nonchalant as you may feel about them, are not what the obese do! These will constantly correct any minor step we take towards obesity!
Gradually, as you eliminate one after another of these, you won't look forward to getting out of bed, which, in turn will limit your activities, and put a damper on all that excess energy that we have trained ourselves to use for exercise.
Plus, the less good we feel, and the less grateful we are, the more likely we are to eat to change our state, (That's right! The same diaphragmatic breath you get from meditation, you can get from overeating, or even smoking!! We'll get there!)
Now, if you really think back, there was a time where you had to try to do all of those things, right? Its the same thing. Just take it a day at a time.
Start with removing something easy, like audio books. Just get rid of your mp3 player for a while, or throw out your charger and wean yourself off.
Next, if you have any kind of reminders for your empowering daily questions, just take them down, and that'll help them fade.
Even better, replace them with "you have to" type statements, or "I hate Mondays" That'll be a double whammy!
Make sure your mentor understands that his guidance will no longer be needed and, if possible, get a friend who either smokes or drinks excessively. You can find them at local pubs, and they are generally very affordable. Buy them a few beers every now and then, and share your pizza (oops, sorry, getting ahead of ourselves. Yes, that's right... We're going to be eating pizza at one point... We'll get there!)
Now, I understand that giving up your daily meditations and gratitude exercises will be the most challenging, so first nix the affirmations, subliminals and binaurels. Again, this is a cumulative thing! Don't try to do this all in one day!
Keep in mind, we're going to be doing some posture exercises to get that slouch happening. With that, will come less likelihood to meditate as well, because it'll be uncomfortable. So don't worry if you can't get 100% on this rather ambitious first step!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Get Overweight in 10 Easy Steps! Guaranteed!
FROM FAB TO FLAB: A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO OBESITY!
Are you tired of being constantly approached by the opposite sex?
Are you frequently inconvenienced by everyone expecting you to lift heavy things for them due to your toned bod?
Just follow our guaranteed, 10 step program, and we can take you from fab to flab, and, we'll keep you there!
So many of these "fast acting" diets just end up with people with healthy habits quickly returning to their old lifestyles.
Be it from exercise or healthy foods, you health-nuts always give in to your temptations and return to your old ways!
BUT NOT WITH THIS!
This diet is guaranteed to get you all the way from fab to flab, and we'll keep you there!
The key is: Moderation, and cumulative work.
You can't jump from an all-organic, frequent exercise, positive thinker to a slouching angry person stuffing down McDonald's in one night. You'll just throw up and give up from the strain!
What you need to do, is baby-step your way to obesity.
Intrigued?
Read on!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
Are you tired of being constantly approached by the opposite sex?
Are you frequently inconvenienced by everyone expecting you to lift heavy things for them due to your toned bod?
Just follow our guaranteed, 10 step program, and we can take you from fab to flab, and, we'll keep you there!
So many of these "fast acting" diets just end up with people with healthy habits quickly returning to their old lifestyles.
Be it from exercise or healthy foods, you health-nuts always give in to your temptations and return to your old ways!
BUT NOT WITH THIS!
This diet is guaranteed to get you all the way from fab to flab, and we'll keep you there!
The key is: Moderation, and cumulative work.
You can't jump from an all-organic, frequent exercise, positive thinker to a slouching angry person stuffing down McDonald's in one night. You'll just throw up and give up from the strain!
What you need to do, is baby-step your way to obesity.
Intrigued?
Read on!
This is a facetious article
Sensei Ono, Shinka Martial Arts
How could you best encourage a blogger to blog?
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