I think one of the biggest impacts on my communication style has been Tony Robbins
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. I remember one instance in particular, where I learned how subjective broad terms such as "respect" could be.
The story was of Tony himself, and his wife. She and he had been getting into arguments, and, were upset with the way each was handling themselves during the argument.
While both had the #1 value of "respect" being crucial to a relationship, they were still, in each others' eyes, being very disrespectful towards each other. How could this be?
The reason was, they had each defined "respect" differently. They had the same values, but contrasting beliefs as to how those values were fulfilled.
Tony had grown up in a household where respect was very important. If you got into an argument with someone, it was respectful for you to tell the truth. Say what was on your mind and, even if you had to yell to get your point across, you would get the problem solved. It was incredibly disrespectful to leave in the middle of an argument, as this would rob the person of the ability to resolve the situation.
Sage, his wife, in contrast, had grown up in a household where respect was very important. If you got into an argument, it was respectful for you to cool off, and discuss things in a rational discussion later, once the emotion had left the situation. It was incredibly disrespectful to yell at someone, and even more so, to not allow the person their space when it was requested.
Can you imagine the fights between these two as they both "respected" the other?
When we have our partners, as well as friends, students, associates, business partners etc, and some issue comes forth, I would say that the issues are often not values, but the beliefs as to how those values are fulfilled, that are the root of the issue.
Sensei Ono
Shinka Martial Arts Founder
Winner of Best Dojo, Best place to work up a sweat, most innovative curriculum, best coach/sensei, biggest martial arts studio, and top 3 Richmond businesses
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