Honor in Martial Arts (UFC 229)

UFC 229 really put me into a funk for a bit, and I've been trying to process why.

Did Khabib miss a "GSP opportunity" to show the world what true martial artists are like, what true honor looks like as he helped up Conor and spoke to the crowd about why honor is important, about why what we say to each other matters?

Yeah.  He really did.

And did his actions endanger the audience, and tarnish the reputation of mixed martial arts?

Yeah.  They did.

And was Khabib wrong for ganging up on Conor's friend?  Probably.  I don't really know what the story behind that is/was, but I heard some pretty disturbing stuff about that.

Was Conor acting like a criminal lunatic when he attacked the bus?  Yup.

Was what Conor said during the fight buildup "crossing a line"?  

...I don't know.  

"Trash talk" is a thing, and it works.  Knowing what to say to make your opponent fight angry is a legit tactic.  It's not only one of the tools he used to GET both of his belts... it's how he got the fights in the first place.

But here's where I get bogged down.  Here's where I start to get bummed out if I'm not careful.

Was the UFC absurd when they used Conor's illegal, dangerous, insane behavior as a promotional tool?  

I think so, yeah.

I think that's what's really bugging me.  

That we're encouraging and financially compensating the behavior that is the antithesis of martial arts.

Or, at least, what martial arts used(?) to be.  

Maybe that's living in the past.  Maybe that era is done and it's time to move on.  Maybe.

Shane says that Bruce Lee used to represent martial arts, and that he was different from Conor.  

But, truth be told, Bruce had more in common with Conor than either of us would care to admit.  

In the early years, Bruce was often arrogant, often short tempered, and would fly off the handle on a regular basis.  

It was only later in life when he calmed down and found a more balanced approach to life.

So, maybe this is a stage.  A pendulum that will swing one way, and then the other.  Maybe we need our Conors in order to appreciate our Georges.  

Which again, brings me back to Khabib's wasted opportunity.  

He could have been the Georges we needed in that moment.  He could have shown the world what martial arts is all about.

It could have been a storybook ending.

...

Okay.  Enough whining.

What is the solution?

It's easy to sit on the sidelines and tell the fighters they should all be honorable, respectful, courteous and represent martial arts and the UFC with integrity.

And some fighters do.  

What are their names?

How many magazine covers, movie deals, endorsement opportunities and sponsors do they have?

If the system in place, and we, the consumers, compensate those outliers that attack buses, beat their wives, pee on their fans, torture dogs or whatever else our sports "heroes" do in their off time... 

Who but the fans are ultimately at fault?  

What's that saying?  

"Don't hate the player, hate the game"?

Is it the UFC's fault that fans want what they want, and they provide it?  They endorse it?  They promote it?

Maybe.  

Maybe they could swing the narrative away from the chaos and embrace the calm.  

Maybe.  

But 229 sold a shitload of PPVs.

Demetrius Johnson is an amazing human.  

He's kind, humble, extremely talented, extremely representative of a martial artist.  He might be the most talented martial artist the world has ever seen.  

He might be the kindest fighter on the roster.

But nobody is buying his whiskey.

Know your limitations

I once taught a class where everyone who was there had been there for about a year and a half.  There were formally abused wives, formerly overweight men, former smokers, former inactive people, formerly timid people etc.

And they were all sitting there, panting after the grueling class with proud smiles on their faces, and I told them to sit and close their eyes.

And visualize themselves as they were.  As they were when they first came in, not knowing what martial arts was, or what they could do.

I asked them to put themselves into that mindset and to "watch" the class that these people just did.

I asked them to keep their eyes closed, and to raise their hand if they thought they could do (what they just did)

No hands raised.

What they just did had been impossible for them to visualize doing less than two years ago.

I asked them to ponder that.  To think what else in their lives was currently "impossible."

I told them I was very proud of what they had become, what they had achieved, and that I was looking forward to seeing the new them in another few years.

Tears and hugs were plentiful after that class.  And lives changed.

Never look at your current self to know your limitations.  Because your current self doesn't have a damn clue what they are.



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Conor vs Khabib All Perspectives in chronological order

This post is simply to put everyone's perspective in chronological order.  EVERYTHING BELOW IS ALLEGED (because there are contradictory statements coming from both camps)

The Spark
Khabib, whose manager was involved in 9/11 and whose friends chopped up some dude with an axe, confronted Conor's friend for sexual assault in a club that was a case of mistaken identity so Conor, coked out of his mind on post-maymac blow, flew from Ireland to kill Khabib but had to settle for attacking the bus he was in because security wouldn't let Khabib get off the bus.

Multiple lawsuits, criminal charges and one product launch later, and the whiskey promotion/fight was scheduled.

The Build Up
During the press conferences and weigh ins it became apparent that Conor's reflexes, understanding of range, and previously fearless demeanor were significantly compromised, drugs and alcoholism were implied heavily, though it could simply be that he's become more socially distracted due to being a father.  He insulted everything under the sun in those press conferences, and, as we'll see later, Khabib took some of it personally.

The Fight
Round 1:
Conor displayed excellent takedown defense, mediocre striking, and eventually was taken down.  He  did well on the ground, doing more damage than Khabib (I actually gave him the round, despite him spending the majority of it on his back) though his striking was, as many expected, without the usual pop, range awareness and reflexes, and, perhaps due to his long layoff, seemed to have forgotten the majority of the rules involved in the sport.

Round 2:
The improvement in Khabib's striking was becoming apparent, though it was ultimately the wrestling which sealed the deal, finishing up with a barrage of strikes, mostly deflected, but some landed very clean.

Round 3:
Likely due to Khabib being a bit tired from raining down blows for a good portion of round 2, Conor won the striking exchange with more mediocre striking, the likes of which we haven't seen from him in the octagon.

Round 4:
Conor landed some really nice front kicks to the body.  Khabib ended it with a beautiful transition from back to mount to back to a choke that looked an awful lot like a neck crank, and then decided to assault one of Conor's teammates in the crowd while three other members of Khabib's team decided to assault Conor in the cage from behind.

The Aftermath
Conor opted not to press charges.  Dana is sad.  Khabib is "apologetic," facing suspension and worse from the commission (whose governor was in the stands and ran out for fear of riots) and Khabib's manager still owes child support to Noah.

Did I miss anything?

Oh, right!

Who is at fault:
It was bad for Conor to do what he did.
It was bad for Khabib to do what he did.

Yeesh.

What a mess.

EDIT:  Looks like maybe there were a few other things

Rape & Seatbelts

I saw a post this morning where a woman was very upset, claiming that teaching martial arts to women either as rape prevention or as rape recovery was like saying it was the victim's fault, or that rapists should just rape someone else.

I thought about what they were saying, and I think the best analogy I've come up with is driving.

Let's say I'm driving, but I've been drinking, I'm not wearing my seatbelt, I'm speeding, and some fuckface runs a red light and smashes up my car.

...

And I get really, really... really hurt.

It takes a very long time to recover.

A lot of tears are shed, and fuckface goes to jail for a few years.

Now, firstly:
SHOULD HE HAVE RUN A RED LIGHT?
No.

DO YOU THINK HE KNEW RUNNING THE RED LIGHT WAS WRONG?
Probably.

DO YOU THINK EDUCATION WOULD HAVE PREVENTED HIS ACTIONS?
Probably not.

ARE THERE THINGS THAT I COULD HAVE DONE TO LESSEN THE LIKELIHOOD OF THIS ACCIDENT?

...

I am not victim shaming. I am odds-pointing-out-ing.

It is bad to rape.  Rapists shouldn't do it.

But here's the thing.  No matter how true that is... no matter how right that statement is... they do.

And seeing billboards on every street corner touting how rape is actually not a very nice thing to do is not going to change their minds about it today.  Maybe someone will come up with a brilliant education method that will actually change rapist's predilection for forcing themselves on people, but... they haven't yet.

Jiujitsu is a seatbelt.
If you never have to feel that "clunk" when you hit the brakes, or when someone smashes into your car and it keeps you safer... cool man.  That's awesome.  But... if you ARE ever in an accident.... which, statistically... is likely... you're going to want the best damn belt you can get.

Situational awareness is defensive driving.
Be smart.  Being smart is not the same as being scared - it's just being aware.  Statistically, you're more safe doing one thing over another.  Be aware.  We all drive faster than we should at some time or another, but we do it with our eyes open, and our hands on the wheel.  Be safe.

...Drinking is still drinking for this analogy (heh.)
I'm not saying you can't drink.  I'm not.  But, just like with driving, it's gonna increase those odds.  Maybe get someone who hasn't been drinking to drive the car, yeah?  A sober wingman/girl is going to help us get home safe.

Now, do people with their hands at 10 and 2, driving exactly 50k several car lengths back, while wearing their seatbelts and being surrounded by airbags still get in car accidents?

Yes, they do. 

But, it happens less, and they get less hurt, less often.

-

I feel like I'm delivering Louis CK's "of course, but maybe" bit here, but, being "RIGHT" doesn't make you less raped.

It doesn't.

Just because someone SHOULDN'T run a red light doesn't mean they WON'T.

Seatbelts save lives.

And yeah, maybe some day we'll all be in driverless cars, and the world will be rid of the need for seatbelts.  But until then... for fucks sake, buckle up.

Leveling up your parenting

"We give and we give and we give, and all they do is take!"

I think we've all heard a parent say this, yes?

I have a re-frame for you to consider.

Imagine you're in a video game, and you're grinding out a skill to level up.  Would you complain that the 400th archer you just snuck up on did nothing but take all your efforts?  What about the 300th iron hat you just forged in the blacksmith?  Would you complain that all that anvil did was take your time?

No, you're getting XP, right?  You're leveling up, right?  And now that you've leveled up, the quests are bigger, the challenges are greater, the gear is cooler, you've got the ability to do more things!

So, here's the thing.  Life ain't that different.

If you're giving in order to receive, I think you're missing the point.  The point is the XP.  The process.  The experience.

Our kids, spouses, friends, enemies, associates, strangers... they're all there for us to experience, they're all there for us to practice and develop different skills.

And, here's the thing.  If I didn't have a toddler, would I still need to develop patience?  If I didn't have a toddler, would I still have to develop presence?

If we look outward, for people to blame in our lives... I think we're missing the point.  It isn't the archer's fault you suck at sneaking up on him.  It isn't the toddler's fault you suck at patience.

And if they weren't there, YOU WOULD STILL SUCK AT IT.  That skill would still need to be developed.  You just wouldn't have an as efficient tool with which to practice that skill.

So, you have two options.  You can look at that toddler and say "damn it, s/he needs so much patience" or, you can say "sweet, double XP."

Either way, the process is there.  That day is there.  The same activities and same development will or won't occur. 

Situps need to be done to get nice abs.  Imagine if you found situps you enjoyed doing!  (Jiujitsu is one way).  Enjoy the process.  Enjoy leveling up.

Or... don't.

There's always someone else to blame for our problems, and there's always some way to justify our failings.  Level 1 quests and rewards are cool, too.  

12 Grappling Tips for starting Jiu Jitsu

So you're starting up BJJ and looking for some beginner tips?

1) Always ask your partner how they beat you, and always tell your partner how you beat them. 

2) There are only two movements in BJJ.  Shrimping, and bridging.  The rest is just knowing when to do them and holding onto stuff.

3) Be patient with yourself.  Unlike a striking art, your progress is not visible as a student, but your instructor can tell when you're starting to get things way before you can.

4) If something isn't working, try the opposite.  If that didn't work, go back to what you were trying, then do the opposite again but faster.

5) If you're stuck, tap out and ask rather than strain. 

6) Strength DOES matter in BJJ.  BJJ is a strength enhancer via leverage and superior positioning. 

7) Watch at least one UFC to see how striking plays a MASSIVE role in ground fighting.

8) Watch at least one kino mutai instructional video to see how biting plays a MASSIVE roll in ground fighting.

9) Tap easy, learn easy, stay healthy.

10) Your partner will often mirror the energy you give them.  If you want to learn, so will they.  If you want to smash, so will they.

11) Try your absolute best to find three partners

• A person who is bigger than you, but less skilled
• A person who is the same size and the same skill as you
• A person who is smaller than you, but more skilled.

Learn that there are different ways to win.

12) Learn how you learn.  Do you like someone to demonstrate on you?  Do you like it when someone narrates the move step by step?  Do you like to observe the technique working on others?

12b) Ask questions in a way that will facilitate #12  (eg "could you show that to me again" vs "could you show me how that feels")

Bonus tip:  If you want to quit, that's fine. 
But don't quit today, when it's hard. 
Don't quit today, when you're just not getting it. 
Don't quit today because you're sore. 

If you gotta quit, quit when you're doing amazing, when you're winning, when you're helping others get better.  If you quit then, it's a choice, not because you're giving up.

NEVER
Give
Up

Why Will Martial Arts Help Me With My...

Alright, buckle up.  I'm going to do my best to answer this question in one giant blog post that I'll keep adding to every time someone asks a question that isn't in here.

If it gets too long, feel free to search for your target word via CTRL+F

DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, SADNESS & OBSESSIVE TENDENCIES
Martial arts requires a presence, a focus, and a posture that is the antithesis of these negative realities.

Think about this for a second:
Imagine a (depressed/anxious/sad) person in the height of their issue.  What do they look like?

Are they breathing shallow, or deep?  Controlled breathing in their stomach, or higher breathing in their chest?  Are their shoulders back, or slumped?  Is their posture dynamic and powerful, or slow and withered?

Emotion comes from motion.  Our bodies tell our brains what to feel.  The intensity and literal postures of martial arts are the antithesis of depression, the focus required obliterates anxiety, the camaraderie and sheer joy of the class nourishes happiness, and hell, your obsessive tendencies will at least be channeled into something constructive (google GSP on this)

They've done studies on people who all they did was (literally) FORCE THEM TO SMILE for extended periods of time, and it combated their depression with equivalent results to antidepressants.  They did another study where they forced people to "cape walk" (that is, walk as though they were a superhero wearing a cape) and had similar results.

Your motions change your emotions.

FEAR, APPREHENSION & INSOMNIA 
Martial arts provides you with a confidence I cannot describe.  It doesn't just come from being a bad ass (though that certainly helps) it comes from the knowing that you are the type of person that overcomes adversity.  The type of person who has been in countless battles and has found a way to win.  A person who knows that all defeats are temporary.

Also, exercise and learning to breathe kinda kick the shit out of most problems on their own.

SELF CONFIDENCE, FEAR OF FAILURE, IMPOSTURE SYNDROME
Martial arts is the ultimate proving ground.  You know what you're capable of, and what you have yet to learn - you also know the path to take you to the next step.

I cannot tell you how many "I can't"s I have seen turn into "I just did"s over the years.  The first board break, the first time a tiny 90lbs person manhandles a giant with ease.  Even just learning how to freaking yell and explode with power.

Martial arts takes you out of your comfort zone and shows you what you're capable of.  It is fucking awesome.

It is also FILLED with setbacks, hardships, mistakes, looking foolish, failures and more.  Everyone around you is supportive, and everyone around you is modelling what perseverance looks like.  The dude at the front with the black belt was, more often than not, a BIGGER spaz than you are now.  Spazzes make the most empathetic and accomplished instructors because they understand what it's like to suck at it, and they know a million ways to try to get better, and which ones worked for which sorts of people.

People who suffer from any sort of self-doubt learn when that doubt is actually warranted, and when it is not.

Mindsettertainment: The gateway drug to happiness and fulfillment

Two percent of the population is interested in self development. Those are rookie numbers.
Quick show of hands. How many of you have been to a Tony Robbins event? Cool. Those of you who raised your hands, answer me this: How many of you can think of a single person who would NOT benefit from going to a Tony Robbins event?
The problem isn't the quality of the event.
The problem is that there's no gateway drug. Jumping from nothing to Tony takes a huge leap of faith. A commitment, financial, emotional, and time.
Plus, what if it SUCKS!? What if it's BORING!? What if I hate it!? I don't wanna be stuck in a room full of hype-men telling me positive thinking will solve all the shit in my life! Right?
What we need is a gateway drug.
I call that gateway drug "Mindsettertainment." I wrote a book called The Shard Chronicles that has explosions, boobs, swearing, fighting... and yeah, mindset. And because the protagonist is experiencing it... so is the reader. Experiential learning is always more impactful. Again, that's why going to Tony's event can be so life changing.
The goal of this book isn't to have the impact of a Tony Robbins concert (and those of you who've been, you know that "event" simply doesn't do it justice) The goal of this book is to show you a slice of that world. To get you hooked.
First one's free.
My challenge to those of you who've already mainlined the hard stuff is to create your own versions of a gateway drug. Create media that empowers and inspires. Movies that impart wisdom. Comic books that inspire us to be better. Books that entertain and improve us.
Let's get those rookie numbers up already.
Let's change the world.

Ono Northey