C3GUS analysis - ideal self

I've been thinking about my C3GUS lately (the key to awesome reference)

About everyone's, actually.  About not just "is my C3GUS being fulfilled" but, SHOULD it be.

What do I mean?

To use an example, let's say Connection was my top value, and, to get that connection, I felt growth was my next most important value - then that would mean that growth led to Connection.  Meaning connection was the top priority, verses connecting to grow, I would grow to connect.

With me so far?

With that thought, I began thinking "what is the ideal hierarchy?"

I started with the thought of
Connection
Significance
Certainty
Contribution
Growth
Uncertainty.

I then quickly changed my mind to
Connection
Certainty
Contribution
Growth
Significance
Uncertainty

After some thought, I changed my mind again to
Connection
Growth
Contribution
Certainty
Significance
Uncertainty

And, currently, I'm thinking that
Connection
Contribution
Growth
Certainty
Significance
Uncertainty

is the winner.  I'd love your feedback on what yours are, or what you wish yours were, or, what you think of my choices.

My explanation is this:
Connection is my top value, and always have been.  I really believe that life is all about connecting with people and improving their lives as well as your own.  Ultimately, that's why I believe we're all here.  To that end, my life has focused upon increasing the quality of my interactions, and the quantity of them as well.

Yet, oddly, I used to put "contribution" fairly low on my list of priorities.  I think I associated that with things like charity, vs wanting to contribute/help those around me; which, again, is what I'm all about.

So, with that small shift in viewpoint, my list became quite different.

Suddenly, Connection and Contribution were first, and growth followed shortly thereafter.  My reasoning for that came from my 2011 lessons learned; one of which was "sharpen the saw, use it, repeat".

Growth has moved around my hierarchy over the years, and, I'm quite happy with its placement here.  For me, its borderline second, because I think of Love & Connection AS Contribution, so, really, contribution was there all along but it wasn't RECOGNIZED as such, and, as a result, I don't think I fully understood myself.

Growth getting top spot makes me happy too, as, I really enjoy the process of personal growth.

Certainty getting itself down to the middle of the stack is a proud thing for me, as, I think when I was younger it was first, if not... above first lol.  I have a feeling that the older I get, the farther down the list it'll slip.  For now, I think that certainty/financial abundance helps fuel the growth, as well as help magnify the ability to help connect and contribute.

After that, significance, possibly the biggest shift in values, is getting lower and lower on the list.  The reason for this is similar to what I would tell a student focusing on getting a stripe.

When you work for the stripe, you often don't get the stripe.  If you work on it to work on it, ironically, you often get better faster, and the stripe sooner.

If you connect for significance, its ego driven and it comes through as preaching vs connecting.  If the significance comes from the certainty which came from the growth which came from the contribution which came from the connection... then that's an entirely different thing.  You're getting significance from the lifestyle and the proof that its working - you're getting the growth and contribution from connecting... it all flows nicer, and makes for a more honest and forthright person.

Uncertainty has always been last on my list.

This is probably the area of my values hierarchy that needs the most work - not because it is necessarily in the wrong place, but because I don't feel the need to move it.

All the other values move around and evolve and grow, while uncertainty has always been left to last.  What that tells me is that there is fear, there.  The fear to move that value could be holding me back in some way.

How?

Not sure.  That's what mastermind meetings are for, though.

If you value variety in your life more than any of the other C3GS, please, tell me why!  I'd love to hear a different point of view, especially if it challenges my perspective :)

2011 Recap

What worked?

• Focusing on relationships, connection & listening
• Being honest
• Sticking to ethics & standards
• Being genuine
• Being myself, and also focusing on increasing others' happiness
• Mediation practice, ideal self alignment
• Expressing gratitude often
• Success journal
• Teaching improvements
• Overcoming & performing well despite large fear (cruise ship Karaoke adventure + snorkeling)
• Early positive habits (cleaning, exercise, reading)
• Expressing needs/wants in the positive / team focus
• Priority management & clarity (huge increase)
• Self discipline w/MMAmadeEASY
• Team recognition, acknowledgement
• Self aware "vibrations" - what am I broadcasting/receiving?
• Conversational mindfulness.  What energy am I encouraging / multiplying?
• Self listening/self talk, field training
• Meetings and counselling with friends & students

What Didn't?

• Getting preachy
• Being self delusional
• Not asking for help
• Time based stress & fear
• Telling others potential good news before it was a done deal
• "new dwelling excuses" loss of positive habits, diet choices, exercise decline
• Being judgmental
• Late positive habits ("I'll get to it later", but then being tired or it being "too late")
• Threats instead of requests
• Self control & excuses
• Ignoring reminders/dealing with what's urgent vs what's important
• Infrequently noted and used, un-urgent to do lists

Lessons Learned

• People prefer to discover things on their own.  Helping them do that can be more beneficial than showing them solutions.  Longer lasting & more powerful change happens in this way.
• With the right questions, helping & guiding are appreciated
• Knowing what's really going on lends itself to more concrete action plans & the overcoming of overwhelm.
• With quality relationships, friends & family are always willing to help
• Honesty & Tragedy have the power to mend fractured relationships
• It's good to have milestones, not "deadlines" & stress points
• When things are "out of your control" focus on other things.  Focusing on potential negative outcomes only quickens their likelihood into manifestation.
• Be proactive, solution oriented, clear & patient
• Checks & Balances help positive habits grow as does positive reinforcement.
• Excuses are lame.  Take ownership and just friggin' do it.
• Finding faults is fine, but use tact, probing & patience.
• Just like in class, frustration or being too "goal" oriented can have the adverse effect.  Instead, be patient & focus on getting better.
• Even marginal improvement, especially when recognized (ideally by the self as well) is better than frustration
• Improve & plan & introspect in the morning.  Work & play in the evening.
• Sharpen the saw, use it, repeat.
• Ask, and it is given.  Threaten, and it is withheld.
• Self control & self discipline are different.  My focus upon self discipline has left my self control in need of development.
• A big why turns baby steps into baby skips!
• A great teammate is priceless.  Be generous to them.

Coming up next:  C3GUS, ideal value placement & evolution.

The Story of Shinka

Man, what a great ride.  If this was Disney World, Shinka would be my fast pass ride of choice.

My beloved dojo Shinka, 2008-2012 is dead.  For a while, I was the only one who had that horrible thought digging at his soul as I desperately tried to save her.  She was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.  I'd sold everything, borrowed everything, given everything and, in the end, she'd lost too much, and I had nothing left to give her.  She was going to die, and it was heartbreaking.

I made a video of farewell and apology to my students, who I felt I was abandoning, disappointing, and failing.  It wasn't a super chipper time in my life.

But, something happened when I made that video.  It... released all the sadness that I was feeling. It made it possible to empty that cup, and fill it back up with my regular juice - positivity and passion.  (much yummier, especially with gratitude on top)

Almost immediately after the tears had been emptied, I began thinking about all the good that could come from this.  It is always a little bit more of a challenge to see the good that comes from tragedy while still experiencing (or about to experience) said tragedy, but, a great quote I heard once was "some day we're going to look back at all this and laugh.  So, why wait for some day?"

And, to that, I adhere, align and embrace.  Sure, something can be sad - even traumatic, but that doesn't mean you have to be all down about it.  There's still plenty to be grateful for, enjoy, and embrace.

So, making that video cleansed me of that... pent up sadness.  I couldn't tell any of the students, because a lawyer had informed me that it could seriously compromise some of our legal options should bankruptcy be the next step etc etc, and, as a result, I felt this growing monologue of sadness building in me for when I could finally express myself.  Not healthy if its a sad monologue.  Its always been a challenge of me to NOT express my feelings honestly.  Sometimes and asset, sometimes not!

I began seeing this as a way for my dreams to become true, a necessary loss for a greater gain.  "but isn't Shinka your dream?" you ask?  Well, to be honest, yeah.  It really was.

But there were problems, too.  The business' marketing was terrible, its website laughable, and, as a result of that, and the downward slope of the economy, and a few other mistakes I'd made, the business was nearly constantly losing money.  I never took a salary the entire time the school was open, and, while teaching there was heaven, not really being able to afford to live a lifestyle I could be proud of for 6 years was... stifling to the soul.

I also wasn't exceptional at billing, handling the accounting, and even cleaning was something that wasn't my specialty (and it showed at times).  My joy, my love, had always been in the connecting with the students, looking for ways to improve their lives, and designing classes intended to maximize that effect in little one hour chunks at a time.

I learned so much from Shinka, its students and its staff.  From personal development, to martial arts, I feel as though I learned & grew more in these past few years than I did the rest of my life!

To give a C3GUS (for those Key to Awesome readers ;-) evaluation of that, the reasons are obvious.  Nearly every day, in some way, my life purpose was being fulfiled through Shinka.  My needs (love & connection, contribution, growth, certainty, significance, and variety) were being met at level 10 virtually every day.

I was living the dream.  The only thing that was depreciating rapidly, was the need of certainty.  Financially, Shinka was failing, and, the building itself was beginning to reflect that in her last few months of life.

The heaters broke, we didn't fix them.  The lights began to flicker and dim, and their ballasts (which, by the way, can't be purchased in Canada anymore, but that's another story) stayed broken.  As an organism, Shinka's time was coming.

It was then, that the students of Shinka taught their Sensei a thing or two.

First of all, they all surprised and impressed me with their collective show of support and gratitude for all that Shinka had done for them.  They came out of the woodwork, too.  Not just current students, but students from long ago came out to express all that Shinka had done, and how their lives had been changed by it.

It was...  the best Christmas gift a guy could ask for, honestly.

This Christmas, I was moved to tears by the cards, emails, gifts and kind words that all the students sent.  It was amazing.

One student helped change my perspective with a few simple words:
"We're losing a building.  Shinka is an ideal.  Ideals don't die, they just adopt new shells"

I smiled, "like Batman."  (yes, it always comes down to Batman haha)

And so, the ideal of Shinka, that of empowerment, actualization, evolution, growth, embracing challenge, living with passion, and the collective desire to improve the whole continues.

In what forms, you ask?

Well, for starters, there is MMAmadeEASY, the online martial arts database.  And that is just its beginning. As Shinka was not just a martial arts school, so too will MMAmadeEASY surpass any expectations.

I intend on continuing to teach - although in what form and where is still going to be dependent upon the fates (job/schedule/space availability/options/location/student desire/finances).  I also got a neat idea for a new book out of this adventure, so, once my life gets a bit more certainty, I'll begin working on that, as well.

So, what lessons have been learned from all this?
A post for another day.  Domino, my new puppy, needs a walk!