Leveling up your parenting

"We give and we give and we give, and all they do is take!"

I think we've all heard a parent say this, yes?

I have a re-frame for you to consider.

Imagine you're in a video game, and you're grinding out a skill to level up.  Would you complain that the 400th archer you just snuck up on did nothing but take all your efforts?  What about the 300th iron hat you just forged in the blacksmith?  Would you complain that all that anvil did was take your time?

No, you're getting XP, right?  You're leveling up, right?  And now that you've leveled up, the quests are bigger, the challenges are greater, the gear is cooler, you've got the ability to do more things!

So, here's the thing.  Life ain't that different.

If you're giving in order to receive, I think you're missing the point.  The point is the XP.  The process.  The experience.

Our kids, spouses, friends, enemies, associates, strangers... they're all there for us to experience, they're all there for us to practice and develop different skills.

And, here's the thing.  If I didn't have a toddler, would I still need to develop patience?  If I didn't have a toddler, would I still have to develop presence?

If we look outward, for people to blame in our lives... I think we're missing the point.  It isn't the archer's fault you suck at sneaking up on him.  It isn't the toddler's fault you suck at patience.

And if they weren't there, YOU WOULD STILL SUCK AT IT.  That skill would still need to be developed.  You just wouldn't have an as efficient tool with which to practice that skill.

So, you have two options.  You can look at that toddler and say "damn it, s/he needs so much patience" or, you can say "sweet, double XP."

Either way, the process is there.  That day is there.  The same activities and same development will or won't occur. 

Situps need to be done to get nice abs.  Imagine if you found situps you enjoyed doing!  (Jiujitsu is one way).  Enjoy the process.  Enjoy leveling up.

Or... don't.

There's always someone else to blame for our problems, and there's always some way to justify our failings.  Level 1 quests and rewards are cool, too.