Man, what a great ride. If this was Disney World, Shinka would be my fast pass ride of choice.
My beloved dojo Shinka, 2008-2012 is dead. For a while, I was the only one who had that horrible thought digging at his soul as I desperately tried to save her. She was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. I'd sold everything, borrowed everything, given everything and, in the end, she'd lost too much, and I had nothing left to give her. She was going to die, and it was heartbreaking.
I made a video of farewell and apology to my students, who I felt I was abandoning, disappointing, and failing. It wasn't a super chipper time in my life.
But, something happened when I made that video. It... released all the sadness that I was feeling. It made it possible to empty that cup, and fill it back up with my regular juice - positivity and passion. (much yummier, especially with gratitude on top)
Almost immediately after the tears had been emptied, I began thinking about all the good that could come from this. It is always a little bit more of a challenge to see the good that comes from tragedy while still experiencing (or about to experience) said tragedy, but, a great quote I heard once was "some day we're going to look back at all this and laugh. So, why wait for some day?"
And, to that, I adhere, align and embrace. Sure, something can be sad - even traumatic, but that doesn't mean you have to be all down about it. There's still plenty to be grateful for, enjoy, and embrace.
So, making that video cleansed me of that... pent up sadness. I couldn't tell any of the students, because a lawyer had informed me that it could seriously compromise some of our legal options should bankruptcy be the next step etc etc, and, as a result, I felt this growing monologue of sadness building in me for when I could finally express myself. Not healthy if its a sad monologue. Its always been a challenge of me to NOT express my feelings honestly. Sometimes and asset, sometimes not!
I began seeing this as a way for my dreams to become true, a necessary loss for a greater gain. "but isn't Shinka your dream?" you ask? Well, to be honest, yeah. It really was.
But there were problems, too. The business' marketing was terrible, its website laughable, and, as a result of that, and the downward slope of the economy, and a few other mistakes I'd made, the business was nearly constantly losing money. I never took a salary the entire time the school was open, and, while teaching there was heaven, not really being able to afford to live a lifestyle I could be proud of for 6 years was... stifling to the soul.
I also wasn't exceptional at billing, handling the accounting, and even cleaning was something that wasn't my specialty (and it showed at times). My joy, my love, had always been in the connecting with the students, looking for ways to improve their lives, and designing classes intended to maximize that effect in little one hour chunks at a time.
I learned so much from Shinka, its students and its staff. From personal development, to martial arts, I feel as though I learned & grew more in these past few years than I did the rest of my life!
To give a C3GUS (for those Key to Awesome readers ;-) evaluation of that, the reasons are obvious. Nearly every day, in some way, my life purpose was being fulfiled through Shinka. My needs (love & connection, contribution, growth, certainty, significance, and variety) were being met at level 10 virtually every day.
I was living the dream. The only thing that was depreciating rapidly, was the need of certainty. Financially, Shinka was failing, and, the building itself was beginning to reflect that in her last few months of life.
The heaters broke, we didn't fix them. The lights began to flicker and dim, and their ballasts (which, by the way, can't be purchased in Canada anymore, but that's another story) stayed broken. As an organism, Shinka's time was coming.
It was then, that the students of Shinka taught their Sensei a thing or two.
First of all, they all surprised and impressed me with their collective show of support and gratitude for all that Shinka had done for them. They came out of the woodwork, too. Not just current students, but students from long ago came out to express all that Shinka had done, and how their lives had been changed by it.
It was... the best Christmas gift a guy could ask for, honestly.
This Christmas, I was moved to tears by the cards, emails, gifts and kind words that all the students sent. It was amazing.
One student helped change my perspective with a few simple words:
"We're losing a building. Shinka is an ideal. Ideals don't die, they just adopt new shells"
I smiled, "like Batman." (yes, it always comes down to Batman haha)
And so, the ideal of Shinka, that of empowerment, actualization, evolution, growth, embracing challenge, living with passion, and the collective desire to improve the whole continues.
In what forms, you ask?
Well, for starters, there is MMAmadeEASY, the online martial arts database. And that is just its beginning. As Shinka was not just a martial arts school, so too will MMAmadeEASY surpass any expectations.
I intend on continuing to teach - although in what form and where is still going to be dependent upon the fates (job/schedule/space availability/options/location/student desire/finances). I also got a neat idea for a new book out of this adventure, so, once my life gets a bit more certainty, I'll begin working on that, as well.
So, what lessons have been learned from all this?
A post for another day. Domino, my new puppy, needs a walk!
My beloved dojo Shinka, 2008-2012 is dead. For a while, I was the only one who had that horrible thought digging at his soul as I desperately tried to save her. She was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. I'd sold everything, borrowed everything, given everything and, in the end, she'd lost too much, and I had nothing left to give her. She was going to die, and it was heartbreaking.
I made a video of farewell and apology to my students, who I felt I was abandoning, disappointing, and failing. It wasn't a super chipper time in my life.
But, something happened when I made that video. It... released all the sadness that I was feeling. It made it possible to empty that cup, and fill it back up with my regular juice - positivity and passion. (much yummier, especially with gratitude on top)
Almost immediately after the tears had been emptied, I began thinking about all the good that could come from this. It is always a little bit more of a challenge to see the good that comes from tragedy while still experiencing (or about to experience) said tragedy, but, a great quote I heard once was "some day we're going to look back at all this and laugh. So, why wait for some day?"
And, to that, I adhere, align and embrace. Sure, something can be sad - even traumatic, but that doesn't mean you have to be all down about it. There's still plenty to be grateful for, enjoy, and embrace.
So, making that video cleansed me of that... pent up sadness. I couldn't tell any of the students, because a lawyer had informed me that it could seriously compromise some of our legal options should bankruptcy be the next step etc etc, and, as a result, I felt this growing monologue of sadness building in me for when I could finally express myself. Not healthy if its a sad monologue. Its always been a challenge of me to NOT express my feelings honestly. Sometimes and asset, sometimes not!
I began seeing this as a way for my dreams to become true, a necessary loss for a greater gain. "but isn't Shinka your dream?" you ask? Well, to be honest, yeah. It really was.
But there were problems, too. The business' marketing was terrible, its website laughable, and, as a result of that, and the downward slope of the economy, and a few other mistakes I'd made, the business was nearly constantly losing money. I never took a salary the entire time the school was open, and, while teaching there was heaven, not really being able to afford to live a lifestyle I could be proud of for 6 years was... stifling to the soul.
I also wasn't exceptional at billing, handling the accounting, and even cleaning was something that wasn't my specialty (and it showed at times). My joy, my love, had always been in the connecting with the students, looking for ways to improve their lives, and designing classes intended to maximize that effect in little one hour chunks at a time.
I learned so much from Shinka, its students and its staff. From personal development, to martial arts, I feel as though I learned & grew more in these past few years than I did the rest of my life!
To give a C3GUS (for those Key to Awesome readers ;-) evaluation of that, the reasons are obvious. Nearly every day, in some way, my life purpose was being fulfiled through Shinka. My needs (love & connection, contribution, growth, certainty, significance, and variety) were being met at level 10 virtually every day.
I was living the dream. The only thing that was depreciating rapidly, was the need of certainty. Financially, Shinka was failing, and, the building itself was beginning to reflect that in her last few months of life.
The heaters broke, we didn't fix them. The lights began to flicker and dim, and their ballasts (which, by the way, can't be purchased in Canada anymore, but that's another story) stayed broken. As an organism, Shinka's time was coming.
It was then, that the students of Shinka taught their Sensei a thing or two.
First of all, they all surprised and impressed me with their collective show of support and gratitude for all that Shinka had done for them. They came out of the woodwork, too. Not just current students, but students from long ago came out to express all that Shinka had done, and how their lives had been changed by it.
It was... the best Christmas gift a guy could ask for, honestly.
This Christmas, I was moved to tears by the cards, emails, gifts and kind words that all the students sent. It was amazing.
One student helped change my perspective with a few simple words:
"We're losing a building. Shinka is an ideal. Ideals don't die, they just adopt new shells"
I smiled, "like Batman." (yes, it always comes down to Batman haha)
And so, the ideal of Shinka, that of empowerment, actualization, evolution, growth, embracing challenge, living with passion, and the collective desire to improve the whole continues.
In what forms, you ask?
Well, for starters, there is MMAmadeEASY, the online martial arts database. And that is just its beginning. As Shinka was not just a martial arts school, so too will MMAmadeEASY surpass any expectations.
I intend on continuing to teach - although in what form and where is still going to be dependent upon the fates (job/schedule/space availability/options/location/student desire/finances). I also got a neat idea for a new book out of this adventure, so, once my life gets a bit more certainty, I'll begin working on that, as well.
So, what lessons have been learned from all this?
A post for another day. Domino, my new puppy, needs a walk!
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